My New Year's Resolutions

From reflections to the resolutions of the new year. My resolutions for 2008 is pretty simple and its the 3 below:

1) Sign up with a new gym as my old one in Kajang is just too far and too tiring to go after work. I am now considering either California Fitness in Sunway Pyramid or the Fitness First next to Subang Parade. Both are fairly near my workplace in Shah Alam so its between the two. My problem now is adjusting my monthly Operational Expenditure to include this new fixed cost for 2008.

2) After signing up with a gym, go back to my original weight of 80kgs.

3) Rebuild my cardio endurance

I seriously hope to achieve all this by Euro 2008 so thats a 6 months targeted completion date rather a year. The balance 6 months is a buffer just in case i needed more time. Now, the resolutions dont sound too hard to achieve eh?

Reflections: A year end review of my 2007

2007 has come and gone. Just like that, a year has whizz past again and its not suprising to hear many people saying "Huh?, one year already ar?" thanks to the "living-on-the-fast-lane" lifestyle we live by these days. So, after one year what can i say about 2007 other than its been a real good time if i really take a moment to stop and reflect on it. Below are the main highlights of my 2007:

1) Career
The first 3 quarters of the year have been tremendously stressful for me as the "project" reaches its critical moments. That coupled with political changes in the company and with a lot of uncertainty, i really felt like leaving the company and seek other opportunities elsewhere. But after a long struggle, my mentor bailed me out from the ailing IT subsidiary "Forte Tech Solutions" back to the parent company "Pharmaniaga Berhad". (The IT subsidiary i worked at in Cyberjaya for is no longer 100 percent owned by Pharmaniaga as it was sold to UEM Group earlier this year) So it was goodbye Business Development and hello Corporate Development.

Thinking about it now, i think i made the right choice of standing my ground and holding on to my mentor's promised bailed out. My current portfolio is so much challenging and provides ample opportunity to grow myself professionally. The downside of this of course i am no longer in Cyberjaya (my home for the past 6 years), i no longer get to enjoy the company of my ex-comrades at Forte Tech who themselves left for better opportunities and sacrificing my longer sleep time. But i am now being presented the biggest platform to shine and it all depends on me to make it work. My pay now maybe peanuts but i still deeply believe in job satisfaction before the money concept. Afterall, my new experience at Pharmaniaga may be the stepping stone to bigger things yet to come.

2) Performing Arts
2007 has been excellent and expensive too. Starting from the "Phantom of the Opera" the musical, countless theatre pieces at KLPAC to the "Megadeth & Black Sabbath" rock concerts down south in Singapore. I think i've made more trips to Singapore this year than to my kampung back in Kedah. Of course the expensive trips are more than compensated with the priceless views and also the break from the normal routine of either KL or PJ hangouts. Another highlight was that together with Joe, Terry and Kelvin we made a short movie titled "Going Mobile" which was submitted to the BMW Shorts Competition. It was an experience to behold and trust me when i say art movies are easy to make compared to those explosive Michael Bay/Jerry Bruckheimer/Michael Mann/(insert your favorite action movie director) productions. Making a short movie made me appreciate the summer action movies more because its just amazing how they shoot the action sequences and also the super fast editting that make Will Smith look good in Bad Boys. Now if only i have more money than i can make my dream of shooting a scene in Prague a reality...

3) Friends who got hitched
This year also marked many of my friends calendar as the year they got married. I cant believe that i've entered the age zone where people start to get married. What happened to the endless partying days guys? Hehe, anyway congratulations again to Cathlyn, Natalie, Hockage, Rajaie, Brandon and Jean on their weddings. Hahaha, looks like now i can attack their homes for Ang Pau next CNY.

4) Relationships
Aaah, last but not least the topic that everyone bitches about. Now i've always never been good at relationships and so far, it has been nothing but disappointments and heartaches. But the last time i went through any of this shit was way back in 2004 and after telling myself to stay away from this kind of things, it all gave way in August. After 3 years steering clear from trouble, trouble found me at my doorstep and its another emo roller coaster ride. But this time although the duration of it was shorter and we didnt end up together, i've learnt more about myself and also life in those short months compared to all the relationships i've been through in the past. The few things learnt:

a) Shit happens
b) All romantic pursuits end up in tears and heartache except the so-called "The One"

c) There is always a better chick that will catch your attention in the future after the current pursuit fails. Afterall strangers are just friends you've yet to know.

d) Just go with the flow and dont hold back with the feelings. If you dont tell, you'll never get to tell. I'm glad that i did this time around.

e) From time to time, you'll meet someone that will impart important lessons for you to learn so
dont worry too much about finding that someone cause they will surely come to your doorstep and wreck your day. Its just a matter of time.

That being said and done, i'm gonna steer clear from getting involved with any chicks in 2008 as i've grown sick and tired of all the emotional stress and tension. Like Uncle Bob likes to sing "No woman No cry".

Well, 2007 may have been the year of James Bond but 2008 is gonna be my year! Happy New Year!!

Merry Christmas!

The happiest time of the year is back again! yes, its Christmas time and no matter how sad and down you feel there's always a hymn or song that will get your spirits up again (mine is Angels We Have Heard on High). I know of many complaints that Christmas is now a commercialized event but if not for commercialization we might not even get the "feeling" in Malaysia at all (benefits of commercialization justified then). This year it was a good Christmas as i get to enjoy the good company of friends on parties and capping it off with the Midnite Service at the church is just great. What other better way than to remember Christmas's "Love, Peace and Hope" message than to spend it with family and friends. Now only if the nice feeling can continue well off into the new year...

Party till you get high....fever.

Cough..cough. Its been a whirlwind weekend starting from my last minute trip to Jakarta to conduct a meeting with our Indonesian subsidiary to catching the superb Christmas musical "From Heaven's Throne" on Saturday at Agape Seremban (Joeboy's church). On Sunday, all my systems decided to crash and i was down with high fever (still having it at the point of writing). To make things worse, i cant take MC on Monday because i have an all important training to attend and my brain was only functioning at 35% normalcy. But i guess willpower triumphed in the end because i managed to drag my ass of the bed and to work. You know its bad when you still have to go to work no matter how sick you are but its a real tragedy when you have worked for the past 2 years and have not utilized a single MC. Darn...

Angel of Mercy

Been listening to OneRepublic's songs lately. Found this particular song titled "Mercy" quite interesting. The words says it all...

Angel of mercy, how did you find me?
Where did you read my story?
Pulled from the papers, desperate and hurting
Seeking a momentary fix

All I wanted to say, all I wanted to do
Is fall apart now
All I wanted to feel, I wanted to love
It's all my fault now
A tragedy I fear

Angel of mercy, how did you find me?
How did you pick me up again?
Angel of mercy, how did you move me?
Why am I on my feet again?

I see you
Woah woah woah
I feel you
Woah woah woah

Before just the daylight
Came and I stand by
Waiting to catch the quickest plane
To fly me to nowhere
It's better than somewhere
That's where I've been and nothings changed

All I wanted to say. all I wanted to do
Is fall apart now
All I wanted to feel, I wanted to love
It's all my fault now
A tragedy I chose

Angel of mercy, how did you find me?
How did you pick me up again?
Angel of mercy, how did you move me?
Why am I on my feet again?

I see you
Woah woah woah
I feel you
Woah woah woah

I'm so lost in you
A tragedy, it seemed to be over now(x 2)

Angel of mercy, how did you find me?
How did you pick me up again?
Angel of mercy, how did you move me?
Why am I on my feet again?

I see you
Woah woah woah
I feel you
Woah woah woah (x 2)

Today & 28 days later

I wonder what will happen in 28 days time?.....

Thoughts on the modern gentleman

Gentleman, in modern culture the title has become to mean just about everyone, often used just as a polite form to address someone, in order not to offend. However it always seems to imply a certain degree of refinement in behavior and manners. The defining values have changed and keep changing as the society changes. For me the title has become to mean something pure, the ideal balance of zeitgeist and beauty of tradition.

How would you define a gentleman today? as opposed of the classic definition of "A gentleman is one, who without any title, bears a coat of arms, or whose ancestors have been freemen" . To what degree do you think it is something that should be manifested through someones style and taste, ones sartorial choices?

How important would conservative thinking and style be to a gentleman. Is it something that is inherited in his base values or would you consider it rather a restriction of appreciation for eccentricity?

For i believe eccentricity is something vital and personal, a kind of spark that seems to be apparent in many a noted gentleman of the past.

For me the definition of a modern gentleman will be best described by the beautiful quote by John Walter Wayland:

"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe."


If that is not enough to ponder, digest the words below and understand the appeal of it to the definition of being a modern gentleman.

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Making mistakes is the right thing to do

This, presumably imaginary, exchange, was recently quoted by Stefan Stern, the management columnist in the Financial Times and is pretty interesting to note.

"Sir, What is the secret of your success?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"And how do you make right decisions?"

"One word."

"And, What is that?"

"Experience."

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Wrong decisions."

This reminds me of a quote by Will Rogers:

"Good judgement comes from experience.
And experience generally comes from bad judgement".

Concepts & Perspectives

Learning. There is always something to be learnt from your experience whether its good or bad. For my open mind, i have learnt more from this 2 months than all what i have learnt in the past 5 years. I like to think of my recent adventure as a book. No matter how much you like reading the book, the time will come to read the last few pages and move on. As it is, there is one or two pages left to go before i close this book.

F****ing immobilizer!!!

My car's immobilizer cooked up some problems late last night where i cant start my car and because of that my whole day today was ruined. I had to skip meetings, piss my boss off and make a few people unhappy. All because of some fracking electronics!! Its just one of those days where things can just really go wrong....damnit.

But i do notice some good things about Perodua from this incident. Apparently their Smart Assist (1 800 88 5555) service is quite good although waiting for the tow truck can take a while. They provide free towing service to the nearest Perodua workshop if your car breaks down (providing your car is less than one year old) and its pretty convinient if you want your car to be fixed by the car company itself. Now this is something which i feel is a good effort from Perodua's part. Kudos!

Staying positive

Positive thinking is easier said than done. But once you get the hang of it, its like a rush of adrenaline and energy you couldnt imagine. Ok, i can. Its like a sudden power up ala steriod boost to your soul or like releasing a bankai (if you read/watch Bleach). But the question will come to beg, how long will this last? Unless you are reactor of positive energy, all this energy will burn out and God knows what will happen next. For once, i can feel normalcy back in my daily life and it feels good. I needed this break after close to 1 month of mind-frack and unstable emotions. Lessons have been learned but its gonna be some time before its published for me to understand. Things happen for a reason and nothing is random in this universe.

Cheap books anyone?

Now growing up in environment where your dad is academician you just cant run away from having the reading habit. Its a good and stimulating habit to have and i must say it feeds the imagination and ripples the idle mind. So after being told about the Penguin Books warehouse sale in PJ by Terry, i decided to check it out yesterday evening. The sale was really a warehouse sale as there are stacks and stacks of books randomly bundled for your browsing and grabbing. Many people had empty book cartons to carry their books and i have to say that its pretty easy to lose yourself in it. Can you imagine the classics (Verne, Shakespeare, Twain) going for RM5? How bout Carly Fiorina's memoir 'Tough Choices' at RM22? Mind you, Joe bought the paperback version for RM48. Good deal eh? But with some restraint and strict selection criteria i managed to restrict myself to only 9 books which amounted to less than RM100. But some aunties were like buying 20 books and people here and there had more books than me. Its like the bookworms have gone insane and having a feast at the helpless books before them. Too bad i dont have pictures to show.

Eat, Drink & Be Merry Q4 2007

The quarterly piss-up session has always been the event most of us ex- Solutions staff looked foward to as we get to dine our hearts out, drink good wine and of course get wasted with the good stuff. All of these in the comforts of a private golf club in Kelana Jaya. That means we can get really wasted without pissing other people off..hehehe. Anyway, this time around our poison was the Glenlivet 15 years.

The Glenlivet 15 years old French Oak Reserve is beautifully structured with an interplay of fruits and spices. The aroma is intense and sweet with hints of citrus fruit. A full palate contrasts notes of ripe mango with cinnamon and white pepper. This leads into a long and creamy finish balanced by a teasing, spicy dryness conferred by selective maturation in new French Oak casks. Beautiful.....all i know is that i got wasted.

Perseverance

Armani's Code

Here i have an interesting article from Giorgio Armani in which he reveals his 21 rules for achieving style, self esteem and success. The tips do work and i have been following one or two of his rules for some time now.

1 A cheap pair of shoes is a false economy. Never skimp on staples: this is the basis of your wardrobe.

2 The work/life balance is the key to happiness for every man. I have sacrificed my life to my work, and if I could start again I would do things differently.

3 Black and dark navy are the most slimming colours. You can afford to be more adventurous with form and texture if you stick to this colour palette.

4 Never try too hard with what you wear: the most stylish men are those who look as if they are making the least effort. Ultimately fashion is about personal expression, and I don’t think anything can be called a fashion disaster if the wearer is being true to himself.

5 If you play sports intensively you will develop muscles in unusual places. Then you may have to consider bespoke tailoring. I recently started dressing the Chelsea football players and those guys are well built.

6 People say that I look 20 years younger than I am and ask, what’s my secret? Partly it’s genetic. My mother died at 90 but seemed like a woman of 65 at the time. I hope to be the same. But it’s also down to self-discipline: don’t go to bed too late; don’t drink too much; don’t smoke. And really understand and manage your inner self.

7 You can’t always get what you want, as Mick Jagger sang. Yes, I wanted to be tall and to have an important nose. Accept the hand you have been dealt and make the best of it. Don’t waste your life trying to change things you cannot change, and don’t dwell on them.

8 To look sexy as a man is a matter of confidence. It is a state of mind as much as a state of body.

9 Up to the age of 50 I didn’t think about my physique, then a friend told me to look out. Now I do an hour’s gym a day. Exercise lifts your mood and keeps you sharp. It helps you to focus and to feel comfortable in your own skin.

10 Some male role models endure. For me, Cary Grant is still the man – he managed to look good in a suit even while running across a field being chased by a plane. My friend George Clooney has that quality, too – he looks effortlessly smart whatever he is wearing. I’m flattered that he chooses to wear my designs.

11 The jacket is the basis of the male wardrobe. Always make sure that it is well made, fits properly and is lightly constructed so that it makes you feel comfortable and confident. Once a good jacket is in place, the rest of the outfit follows.

12 Good clothes can help to make you feel confident and improve your performance. I had a call from a friend who had bought the rugby team that he supported as a child. They were doing badly. He asked me to dress them, and I agreed. That friend was Russell Crowe and now his Australian rugby league team, the Rabbitohs, are winning again.

13 A reputation can be like handcuffs. I’m supposed to be a minimalist, so people complain if I do anything else. It’s best to keep them guessing.

14 You know more than you think, and you can do more than you know. When my business partner died in 1985, some people thought that I’d close the firm. Instead I learnt how to do his job. Never underestimate your inner strength.

15 Hollywood black-tie is the ubiquitous uniform for any evening occasion: black suit, white shirt and black tie. It’s a cliché but it’s true: every man looks good in black-tie.

16 Choose fabrics that are neutral in colour and not too ostentatiously patterned – that way they will have a longer lifespan (from a fashion perspective).

17 Today it’s increasingly the accessories that make the man, so invest in good shoes, belts, bags, ties and the like, and you’ll be able to reinvent your outfits over and over again. Be aware of what colours you wear and buy accordingly, but always remember that you can wear either black or brown with grey. Your watch is one of the most important things you will buy; it says a lot about you as a man. I wear my own Borgo 21 watch, which I treasure.

18 A well-chosen fragrance can become a distinguishing characteristic. It is the first thing that people sense when you enter a room and the last thing as you leave.

19 You should have the courage of your convictions. When I first experimented with deconstructing tailoring, it went against the prevailing ideas and methods. But I simply wanted to make clothes that allowed you to look smart and be comfortable at the same time. In the end, my ideas caught on. Now men demand comfort from their tailored clothes.

20 I am happy to see that today there is a desire among men to be more elegant again. Grunge was not a good moment for me.

Elegance is the key, I believe, to achieving a timeless look – something that does not date, and does not date you. I attribute my success to remaining true to this philosophy. To me, style is more important than transient trends.

21 No matter how hard I try, I will never persuade Sam Jackson to appear without a hat!

- Giorgio Armani

Source: The Times UK

Warning: This Blog is Emo

Its amazing that emo is wide spread among the ex-mmu-ians blogosphere that even my good friends cant believe it that i am one of those emo-infected ones. Hehehe, i'm sorry guys but i really cant help it and i did in a way designed this blog to be my emo getaway. Well, at times (or shall i say most of the time) i need an avenue to bitch about my misreable life and scream with my mouth shut. The reason why this blog resurfaced again is because i have been going through one of the toughest emotional moments of Fall/Winter 2007.

As a good news, i do have another secret blog where i divulge all my dirty little secrets and true feelings. Well, i dont use my name there but the title is dedicated to my girl of the moment. I hope to look back at the garbage i wrote there next time and laugh my ass off on my own moment of stupidity. I have decided to divert all emo posts there (especially the wannabe poetry ones) but i shall keep the lyrics postings here. Since i have this feedback i will try to improve on it. For goodness sake, take some time and leave a feedback once a while ( if you happen to have time to read this shit kekeke).

Its all political.....

What a weekend it has been. All the talk of politics and the saturday yellow marches in KL to handover some memo to the Agong over some election bull crap. I got some friends who are quite esthusiastic about all this and also plenty of friends who couldnt give a flying phuck about it. Well, i am apathetic about politics but not blind and deaf about what is going on to the country. Face it guys, this country is doomed the moment Mahathir stepped down and there is nothing we can do about it. Forget about your "i want to make a change" bullcrap because you cant make a change without being in the position of power. Go spend your time and resources on generating wealth instead. I for one dun give a shit about the political going ons because the world in general is heading for a global meltdown. I got my own problems to worry about more than all of this....

I still miss you

I woke up this morning and i miss you
Though the strong emotions are gone
I felt a tinge of sadness as i think of you
Afterall you were my morning sun and smile

All this while i thought its my emotions
A temporary feeling which is superficial
But when I am calm and clear
I realized i missed you dear

* Its a price to pay when you allow oneself to abandon pride to fall in love. Having thrown caution into the wind, I allowed myself to be heart broken but i learnt how is it like to be alive again. I wonder what the wind will bring me next?

39 ways to live, not just exist

I leeched the following article from *Mysh-ism*. Its an interesting read and have some good points which at times we take for granted and i thought it will be great to have something positive in my emo blog. Thanks Michelle!

"The proper function of man is to live - not to exist." -- Jack London

Too often we go through life on autopilot, going through the motions and having each day pass like the one before it.That's fine, and comfortable, until you have gone through another year without having done anything, without having really lived life.That's fine, until you have reached old age and look back on life with regrets.That's fine, until you see your kids go off to college and realize that you missed their childhoods.It's not fine. If you want to truly live life, to really experience it, to enjoy it to the fullest, instead of barely scraping by and only living a life of existence, then you need to find ways to break free from the mold and drink from life.What follows is just a list of ideas, obvious ones mostly that you could have thought of yourself, but that I hope are useful reminders. We all need reminders sometimes. If you find this useful, print it out, and start using it. Today.

Love. Perhaps the most important. Fall in love, if you aren't already. If you have, fall in love with your partner all over again. Abandon caution and let your heart be broken. Or love family members, friends, anyone -- it doesn't have to be romantic love. Love all of humanity, one person at a time.

Get outside. Don't let yourself be shut indoors. Go out when it's raining. Walk on the beach. Hike through the woods. Swim in a freezing lake. Bask in the sun. Play sports, or walk barefoot through grass. Pay close attention to nature.

Savor food. Don't just eat your food, but really enjoy it. Feel the texture, the bursts of flavors. Savor every bite. If you limit your intake of sweets, it will make the small treats you give yourself (berries or dark chocolate are my favorites) even more enjoyable. And when you do have them, really, really savor them. Slowly.

Create a morning ritual. Wake early and greet the day. Watch the sun rise. Out loud, tell yourself that you will not waste this day, which is a gift. You will be compassionate to your fellow human beings, and live every moment to its fullest. Stretch or meditate or exercise as part of your ritual. Enjoy some coffee.

Take chances. We often live our lives too cautiously, worried about what might go wrong. Be bold, risk it all. Quit your job and go to business for yourself (plan it out first!), or go up to that girl you've liked for a long time and ask her out. What do you have to lose?

Follow excitement. Try to find the things in life that excite you, and then go after them. Make life one exciting adventure after another (with perhaps some quiet times in between).

Find your passion. Similar to the above tip, this one asks you to find your calling. Make your living by doing the thing you love to do. First, think about what you really love to do. There may be many things. Find out how you can make a living doing it. It may be difficult, but you only live once.

Get out of your cubicle. Do you sit all day in front of computer, shuffling papers and taking phone calls and chatting on the Internet? Don't waste your days like this. Break free from the cubicle environment, and do your work on a laptop, in a coffee shop, or on a boat, or in a log cabin. This may require a change of jobs, or becoming a freelancer. It's worth it.

Turn off the TV. How many hours will we waste away in front of the boob tube? How many hours do we have to live? Do the math, then unplug the TV. Only plug it back in when you have a DVD of a movie you love. Otherwise, keep it off and find other stuff to do. Don't know what to do? Read further.

Pull away from Internet. You're reading something on the Internet right now. And, with the exception of this article, it is just more wasting away of your precious time. You cannot get these minutes back. Unplug the Internet, then get out of your office or house. Right now! And go and do something.

Travel. Sure, you want to travel some day. When you have vacation time, or when you're older. Well, what are you waiting for? Find a way to take a trip, if not this month, then sometime soon. You may need to sell your car or stop your cable bill and stop eating out to do it, but make it happen. You are too young to not see the world. If need be, find a way to make a living by freelancing, then work while you travel. Only work an hour or two a day. Don't check email but once a week. Then use the rest of the time to see the world.

Rediscover what's important. Take an hour and make a list of everything that's important to you. Add to it everything that you want to do in life. Now cut that list down to 4-5 things. Just the most important things in your life. This is your core list. This is what matters. Focus your life on these things. Make time for them.

Eliminate everything else. What's going on in your life that's not on that short list? All that stuff is wasting your time, pulling your attention from what's important. As much as possible, simplify your life by eliminating the stuff that's not on your short list, or minimizing it.
Exercise. Get off the couch and go for a walk. Eventually try running. Or do some push ups and crunches. Or swim or bike or row. Or go for a hike. Whatever you do, get active, and you'll love it. And life will be more alive.

Be positive. Learn to recognize the negative thoughts you have. These are the self-doubts, the criticisms of others, the complaints, the reasons you can't do something. Then stop yourself when you have these thoughts, and replace them with positive thoughts. Solutions. You can do this!

Open your heart. Is your heart a closed bundle of scar tissue? Learn to open it, have it ready to receive love, to give love unconditionally. If you have a problem with this, talk to someone about it. And practice makes perfect.

Kiss in the rain. Seize the moment and be romantic. Raining outside? Grab your lover and give her a passionate kiss. Driving home? Stop the car and pick some wildflowers. Send her a love note. Dress sexy for him.

Face your fears. What are you most afraid of? What is holding you back? Whatever it is, recognize it, and face it. Do what you are most afraid of. Afraid of heights? Go to the tallest building, and look down over the edge. Only by facing our fears can we be free of them.

When you suffer, suffer. Life isn't all about fun and games. Suffering is an inevitable part of life. We lose our jobs. We lose our lovers. We lose our pets. We get physically injured or sick. A loved one becomes sick. A parent dies. Learn to feel the pain intensely, and really grieve. This is a part of life -- really feel the pain. And when you're done, move on, and find joy.

Slow down. Life moves along at such a rapid pace these days. It's not healthy, and it's not conducive to living. Practice doing everything slowly -- everything, from eating to walking to driving to working to reading. Enjoy what you do. Learn to move at a snail's pace.

Touch humanity. Get out of your house and manicured neighborhoods, and find those who live in worse conditions. Meet them, talk to them, understand them. Live among them. Be one of them. Give up your materialistic lifestyle.

Volunteer. Help at homeless soup kitchens. Learn compassion, and learn to help ease the suffering of others. Help the sick, those with disabilities, those who are dying.

Play with children. Children, more than anyone else, know how to live. They experience everything in the moment, fully. When they get hurt, they really cry. When they play, they really have fun. Learn from them, instead of thinking you know so much more than them. Play with them, and learn to be joyful like them.

Talk to old people. There is no one wiser, more experienced, more learned, than those who have lived through life. They can tell you amazing stories. Give you advice on making a marriage last or staying out of debt. Tell you about their regrets, so you can learn from them and avoid the same mistakes. They are the wisdom of our society -- take advantage of their existence while they're still around.

Learn new skills. Constantly improve yourself instead of standing still -- not because you're so imperfect now, but because it is gratifying and satisfying. You should accept yourself as you are, and learn to love who you are, but still try to improve -- if only because the process of improvement is life itself.

Find spirituality. For some, this means finding God or Jesus or Allah or Buddha. For others, this means becoming in tune with the spirits of our ancestors, or with nature. For still others, this just means an inner energy. Whatever spirituality means for you, rediscover it, and its power.

Take mini-retirements. Don't leave the joy of retirement until you are too old to enjoy it. Do it now, while you're young. It makes working that much more worth it. Find ways to take a year off every few years. Save up, sell your home, your possessions, and travel. Live simply, but live, without having to work. Enjoy life, then go back to work and save up enough money to do it again in a couple of years.

Do nothing. Despite the tip above that we should find excitement, there is value in doing nothing as well. Not doing nothing as in reading, or taking a nap, or watching TV, or meditating. Doing nothing as in sitting there, doing nothing. Just learning to be still, in silence, to hear our inner voice, to be in tune with life. Do this daily if possible.

Stop playing video games. They might be fun, but they can take up way too much time. If you spend a lot of time playing online games, or computer solitaire, or Wii or Gameboy or whatever, consider going a week without it. Then find something else to do, outside.

Watch sunsets, daily. One of the most beautiful times of day. Make it a daily ritual to find a good spot to watch the sunset, perhaps having a light dinner while you do so.

Stop reading magazines. They're basically crap. And they waste your time and money. Cancel your subscriptions and walk past them at the news stands. If you have to read something, read a trashy novel or even better, read Dumb Little Man once a day and be done.

Break out from ruts. Do you do things the same way every day? Change it up. Try something new. Take a different route to work. Start your day out differently. Approach work from a new angle. Look at things from new perspectives.

Stop watching the news. It's depressing and useless. If you're a news junky, this may be difficult. I haven't watch TV news or read a newspaper regularly in about two years. It hasn't hurt me a bit. Anything important, my mom tells me about.

Laugh till you cry. Laughing is one of the best ways to live. Tell jokes and laugh your head off. Watch an awesome comedy. Learn to laugh at anything. Roll on the ground laughing. You'll love it.
Lose control. Not only control over yourself, but control over others. It's a bad habit to try to control others -- it will only lead to stress and unhappiness for yourself and those you try to control. Let others live, and live for yourself. And lose control of yourself now and then too.

Cry. Men, especially, tend to hold in our tears, but crying is an amazing release. Cry at sad movies. Cry at a funeral. Cry when you are hurt, or when somebody you love is hurt. It releases these emotions and allows us to cleanse ourselves.

Make an awesome dessert. I like to make warm, soft chocolate cake. But even berries dipped in chocolate, or crepes with ice cream and fruit, or fresh apple pie, or homemade chocolate chip cookies or brownies, are great. This isn't an every day thing, but an occasional treat thing. But it's wonderful.

Try something new, every week. Ask yourself: "What new thing shall I try this week?" Then be sure to do it. You don't have to learn a new language in one week, but seek new experiences. Give it a try. You might decide you want to keep it in your life.

Be in the moment. Instead of thinking about things you need to do, or things that have happened to you, or worrying or planning or regretting, think about what you are doing, right now. What is around you? What smells and sounds and sights and feelings are you experiencing? Learn to do this as much as possible through meditation, but also through bringing your focus back to the present as much as you can in everything you do.
- Leo Babauta

When you stray off the path

Since the start of my emotional problems a few weeks ago, i have been blaming myself for my predicament and rued the choices i have made and at times wondering whether i have made the right ones and truthfully i might have regretted a few if i keep thinking about it too much. I put too much pressure on myself to get out of this rut and more often than not i always found a dead end. I was suffering everyday because i choose to be blind and to be ignorant to the one thing that have always kept me afloat when ever there is a storm and that is faith.

I felt so ashamed that i turned my back on Him and for not having my faith in His plans for me. I thought i knew better and even thought i can make it on my own. I am wrong, i cant. I realized this when i stumble upon a phrase in the net which goes like this:

"We can walk through the darkest trials when we walk with God in the light"

I am guilty for losing my faith and for choosing to suffer alone. I forgot that i have Him to release my burden to and to leave everything in His hands to take care of. We are not equipped to handle all the problems we face, but God is. That’s why He told us to give them all to Him—to “cast your burden on the Lord” (Ps. 55:22). I pray that i find His strength within me to get through this trial i am facing and that my heart be filled with grace.

100 Plus and Panadols

I feel so misreable today. Being sick is one of those things i really hate as my brain stops to function at the optimum level and my head is buzzing and pounding like there is a crazy Pink Floyd concert going on inside there.

Speaking of concerts, there is nothing that beats the feeling you get when you are on stage and performing (that's was my pre-corporate days). I have to admit it that i love the attention and i unashamedly seek it. Yes, i have that rock star ego thingy...i think. But anyhow, one of the things that i have told myself i will do before 2007 closes is to finish up the songs i wrote and get them recorded. At the moment, i managed to get Terry (bass) involved although he is busy with work and is currently persuading Joeboy (drums) as well. I am in the process of brushing up my guitar skills so that i can play well enough for the recording later on. I plan to record the songs live but one of my guitar mentor told me that i can do a layered recording using his effects machine at his home. Hmm...that sounds great and i can also add piano music to it eh? But time is running short and everyone is so caught up with their work so how am i gonna manage this? I dont know at the moment cause i so cant think but i'll find a way.

My old friend the optimist

I want to rise today and change my world
But the world wont change if i dont myself
There are so many things to re-arrange
Starting with what i think and feel

I want to count my blessings
I want to hear the music
To change this world
Before it changes me

I want to throw it all away
Pieces of the old broken me
What use for relics of sadness
If not to shackle your heart

I want to laugh big and smile
I want to lift off and dream
To change this world
Before it changes me

I want to keep a happy memory
To serve as a guide to me
So many new things to try
Too few to tell my stories to

I rise today to change the world
Before the world changes me
The skies are blue with no limits
Its the time for the optimist :)

My mad season

The fall of 2007 have been a mad season for me where for some unknown reason, i lost my plot and fell for this girl. I cant help to feel sheepish and embarrased when i asked myself "what was i thinking when i did what i did to start this whole episode". I normally do not i repeat do not simply lose my senses over a girl and over the other flings in the past i did not get mindf**ked like i did this time.

But when i looked back and analyzed it, i went through a similar experience in 2001 when i fell head over heels for someone and got burn pretty badly (close to emotional annhilation). Both these cases are the only times which i got mindf**cked and i cant help to compare both situations. Both of them have a unique personality which get guys go crazy over them, both have somewhat a mysterious aura about them and most of all the depth in overall character. Although there are many differences that makes the two of them seperate individuals, my kryptonite has always been girls who are different than others and have unique personalities which borders weirdness at times.

I also realised that in both cases, the girl always have a positive side effect on me which kinda makes me wanna change myself for the better. The last experience played a big part in my self discovery and also shaped the personality which most of you know me for during MMU days. Then my career came and other shits (heartbreaks and all) happened and along the way i kinda went to a slump where i was kinda lost steam and enthusiasm on life in general. I was more like on autopilot whenever i get off work where life is all about the internets and teh tariks. My professional persona was not affected by all of this but the "fun loving highly fuelled" me was suffering and in fact burning out. Its not that i dont have anything to do or lack of homies to hang out with, its just there is hole in me that all. Somehow, i was pretty suprised to see myself to fall for E.L as i never thought she was the person she is but after getting to know her slightly better, i realised there is more than meets the eye and the next thing i know, i fell deeply for her.

Yeps, i repeated the same mistake twice but this time i saw it coming and did everything i dint do the last time and said all the things i wanted to say before it was too late. I have no regrets of over what i have did but i have to admit i could have done better but too bad i aint Marty McFly. For once in my life, i thought i have found my everything in her and i would run to the ends of the earth to make her happy but when things are too good to be true, its just that. Hope fails, dreams vanish and life goes on. Its gonna take me sometime before i can truly wear off my disappointments but she will always have special place in here my heart. Fall of 2007 have been truly memorable where i was found and lost again, happy and sad all jumbled up like a Timbaland remix.

Songwriter's block

One of the ways i express myself is to write songs and many of those are crap honestly speaking. But from the craps i wrote one or two manage to find themselves a melody over a chord progression and hopefully i will be able to record a demo single with three tracks before Christmas this year. I've been heavily influenced by Keane and Radiohead lately but since i cant find the melody and words i have been looking for, i decided to do what self respecting song writers and musicians do: listen to other genres be it pop, country, dance, hip hop, yadda yadda. One of the songs i heard this morning over the radio (MyFM) and got stuck in my head is 不能说的秘密 (Secrets I cant Tell) by Jay Chou. The mood was just right with the rainy morning and the slow traffic. The words suits my current emo but not hardcore enough to distrupt anything so i decide to feature the lyrics below to let you know what i mean. Sometimes i wish i can write songs like this...damn.

不能说的秘密 (Secrets I cant Tell)

冷咖啡离开了杯垫
leng ka fei li kai le bei dian
As the cold coffee leaves the coaster

我忍住的情绪在很后面
wo ren zhu de qing xu zai hen hou mian
I desperately tried to hold my emotions far behind

拼命想挽回的从前
pin ming xiang wan hui de cong qian
Fighting hard to restore the past

在我脸上依旧清晰可见
zai wo lian shang yi jiu qing xi ke jian
On my face you can still see ever so clearly

最美的不是下雨天
zui mei de bu shi xia yu tian
that rainy day wasn’t the most beautiful

是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐 oh~~
shi ceng yu ni duo guo yu de wu yan
It’s the shelters that I once shared with you in the rain

回忆的画面
hui yi de hua mian
The pictures in my memory

在荡着秋千 梦开始不甜
zai dang zhe qiu qian meng kai shi bu tian
While on the swings dreams become less sweet

你说把爱渐渐 放下会走更远
ni shuo ba ai jian jian fang xia hui zou geng yuan
You told me that by gradually letting go I’d be able to go further

又何必去改变已错过的时间
you he bi qu gai bian ni cuo guo de shi jian
and why bother changing the times that you’ve missed

你用你的指尖 阻止我说再见
ni yong ni de zhi jian zu zhi wo shuo zai jian
you used your fingertip to stop me from saying goodbye

想像你在身边在完全失去之前
xiang xiang ni zai shen bian zai wan quan shi qu zhi qian
imaging you being by my side before you completely disappear

你说把爱渐渐 放下会走更远
ni shuo ba ai jian jian fang xia hui zou geng yuan
You told me that by gradually letting go I’d be able to go further

或许命运的签 只让我们遇见
huo xu ming yun de qian zhi rang wo men yu jian
Perhaps life’s destiny only allowed us to meet

只让我们相恋 这一季的秋天
zhi rang wo men xiang lian zhe yi ji de qiu tian
(and) Only allowed us to love this one season of fall

飘落後才发现 这幸福的碎片
piao luo hou cai fa xian zhe xing fu de sui pian
only after the pieces drifted down that I realized these are the pieces of happiness

要我怎麼捡
yao wo zen me jian
How do i pick them up

Not so spotless mind

Just when i was about to enjoy some peace in my mind and have a normal semblence of life, something have to just come and spoil it. While driving home i was listening to my usual Lite.fm Eighties evening (where they play funky songs from 80's where synthesizers were heavily used and sometimes is just plain annoying) when suddenly they have to feature Richard Marx. I thought ok lar a bit of "Endless Summer" or "Right Here Waiting" wont hurt but NOO..they decide to play a song i have not heard on the radio for ages which is "Hold On to the Night". Its basically a song about being in a emotional dilemma and words of the lyrics just hits you like an Al-Qaeda suicide bomber (totally suprising and right to the heart). Now i'm not gonna put those words here cause you need the music and the singing to complete the damage (hints: go search you tube, there is a live performance of that song) but the damage was unexpected. I was like in emo mode the rest of the evening. Better still out of the blue some friend of mine which normally dont buzz me online went and ask how come my status is emo ( its being like dat for ages lar...u dont notice only). So i told him the summary of it and he gave me the same advice most people giving...continue the pursuit. But my question is this, i do want to chase but what if she has stopped running long time ago. A million dollar question that is.

Gulp thy coffee

Well, i am writing this right now in my office with my hot black coffee smelling good beside me. Its been raining since i woke up early this morning and getting to work seems to be a little adventure by itself. I have had a weekend of intense reflection as well as resolution regarding my sad current affairs. After going through a stage of denial, anger at myself, i am now beginning to enter a stage of acceptence which although might be to early to say today but i would like to think i am slowly crawling out of the moment which i am stuck on.

Although i feel very much towards her and would defintely stuck it out for her but looking at situation, i think it is safer for me to lower my expectations and hope that things would turn out right not only for me but also for her. In the end of the day, she still means a lot to me and i do owe it to her for some of the positive changes in my life as well for giving me back the sense of direction in my life which i have lost for quite some time. For this, i will try to move on with my life positively and silently hope that i'm not written off when she is ready the next time. Well, my coffee is getting cold now.

All you can bring is all that you cant leave behind

Comedies sometimes are the best escape you can find from your troubled heart. Watching Chuck & Larry last night made me feel good but at the same time the parts on relationships made me feel slightly uncomfortable. I think this is because the person whom I am trying to forget for the past one week is just sitting two seats away from me. It’s the first time I am seeing her after what happened early last week and for the first time I am finding that’s its very difficult to pretend that nothing has happened when you realize that deep inside you the feelings still linger and you actually miss that person so much. No matter how much I try to not to think about her the whole day or week, it still haunts me once a while. Its hurts when you cant show how much you care or tell her how much you miss her. I guess she had a point when she told me that missing someone can lead to suffering.....

My long road to ruin

I have been thinking about this for quite some time now. Is it to pursue something that might be futile although there are some chances of success? Have i got anything to lose sticking it out? Is it worth it? You know what, even if there is a 5 % chance i will still proceed and i have nothing to lose anyways. For all this is worth, it is more than worth my time and effort to aim for something that means more than anything to me. I am now drawing strength from a song by the foo fighters taken from their new album:

Long Road to Ruin

Here now don't make a sound
Say hey have you heard the news today
One flag was taken down
To raise another in its place
A heavy cross you bear
A stubborn heart remains unchanged
No harm, no life, no love
No stranger singing in your name

Maybe the season
The colors change in the valley skies
Dear God I've sealed my fate
Running through hell
Heaven can wait

Long road to ruin
There in your eyes
Under the cold streetlights
No tomorrow
No dead end in sight

Let's say we take this town
No king or queen of any state
Get up to shut it down
Open the streets and raise the gates
I know a wall to scale
I know a field without a name
Head on without a care
Before it's way too late

Maybe the season
The colors change in the valley skies
Oh God I've sealed my fate
Running through hell
Heaven can wait

Long road to ruin
There in your eyes
Under the cold streetlights
No tomorrow
No dead end in sight

Long road to ruin
There in your eyes
Under the cold streetlights
No tomorrow
No dead end in sight

For every piece to fall in place
Forever gone without a trace
Your horizon takes its shape
No turning back, don't turn that page

Come now, I'm leaving here tonight
Come now, let's leave it all behind
Is that the price you pay
Running through hell
Heaven can wait

Long road to ruin
There in your eyes
Under the cold streetlights
No tomorrow
No dead ends

P.S: Dont forget to support Dave and the Foos by buying their new album Echoes, Silence,Patience & Grace available in stores & iTunes now!!

To Space and Beyond

I just realized that i have been ignoring this blog of mine after my image hosting site screwed me up and also due to my lack of time and commitment to writing. Actually i do write but i do not publish it as it contains details which i do not want to share as well as it has sensitive information.

I am writing again on this month of October 07 where Malaysia now has a Spaceman and i cant understand what the fuss is about when any Tom, Dick and Harry can go to space with USD 30 million like Dennis Tito. Oh well, thats another story altogether. The main reason i am writing now is because its like therapy for me when i am bothered by something or cant find a solution to my problems.

Problem: I am a lalang swaying left and right without any direction.WTF happened and why?
Solution: Even lalang grows towards the sun despite swaying left and right. Find the sun and i shall i get my answer.

I have been exposed to the cosmic rays.......nuff said.

Minutes to Midnight

Minutes to Midnight
Out in Record Stores Now

New Year's Day

All is quiet on New Year's Day
A world in white gets underway
I want to be with you
Be with you night and day
Nothing changes on New Year's Day
On New Year's Day

I will be with you again

Under a blood red sky
A crowd has gathered in black and white
Arms entwined, the chosen few
The newspapers says, says
Say it's true it's true...
And we can break through
Though torn in two
We can be oneI...

I will begin again

Oh..
Maybe the time is right
Oh...
maybe tonight...

I will be with you again
And so we're told this is the golden age
And gold is the reason for the wars we wage
Though I want to be with you
Be with you night and day
Nothing changes
On New Year's Day
On New Year's Day
- U2 (New Year's Day)

Its over 2006 and new year begins in 2007. After listening to that song by U2, i cant help but to listen to a newer song by them Miss Sarajevo and reflect on what kind of world we are living in.
Something is wrong with the world today and some of us must be wondering why nothing is done to correct the wrongs and perhaps question whether we have been abandoned by the power above. Maybe, but i think we just need love. The world has forgotten to love and this has caused violence and the chain reactions wont end unless we all have the will to forgive and love. Its the universal language of the world and maybe the hope of a better future. Love, Peace and Empathy.